i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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