I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
