Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
