That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
