If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
