It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
