i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
