We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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