I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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