i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
