My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
