you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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