ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize