my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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