I wish life had little blips of pornography
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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