batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
