what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
