I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
