booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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