I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
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I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death