Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
