so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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