Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
