i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
