Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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