I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
