She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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