WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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