I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
