Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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