I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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