Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
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Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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