Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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