so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
