if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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