i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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