Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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