so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
