I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
