You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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