i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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