I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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