Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
sarcasm needs its own font
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
