Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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