Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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