he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
