yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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