oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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