then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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