"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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