I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
