It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
