Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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