fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
