He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
